The Top Ten Ways The Sport Would Be Different If Microsoft Built Kayaks:
10. A particular model year of kayak wouldn’t be available until AFTER that year, instead of before.
9. Every time you wanted to try a new paddle, you would have to buy a new kayak.
8. Occasionally your kayak would stop dead in the water for no apparent cause. No amount of paddling
would budge it. You would have to tow it back to the launch site and restart your kayak. For some
strange reason, you would simply just accept this.
7. Two people could not both paddle your kayak unless you paid extra for a ’95 kayak or NT kayak in
which case you would also have to buy an extra seat and expensive new charts.
6. A sophisticated marketing blitz would make you feel like a second-rate tasteless slacker for failing to
upgrade your kayak. OOPS — wait a minute — that’s ALREADY happening.
5. Sun Microsystem would make a kayak with 70% less hull drag, half the weight, watertight in all
conditions and twice as stable. Unfortunately, it could be used on only 5% of the existing rivers.
4. Your Microsoft kayak’s compass, weather radio, and sump pump would be replaced with a single
“General Kayak Fault” warning light.
3. The enthusiast press would get people excited about the “new” features of Microsoft kayaks, forgetting
completely that they had been available in other brands for years.
2. Microsoft’s inconsiderable owners manual would spawn a whole cottage industry of outsiders who
would write hundreds of books explaining how to paddle your Microsoft kayak. Amazingly, we would
buy all they printed.
1. If you wanted to go kayaking in a group with your club members or friends (known as Network
Kayaking). EVERYONE in the group will have BUY special group kayaking accessories however, only one
member of the group (known as the kaysysop) would have the foggiest notion of exactly what they did
and no one else would be permitted operate them.
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