A Morning Monster?

No don’t be scared read on…

Every morning (I may have mentioned this before) a white Camry Wagon screams past my house at 4am!

Yes, I know I am the guy who has a next door neigbour who puts her radio on any time after 5.30am.

I can’t understand it. He screams up the street to the dead end, fast, real fast, all four cylinders are pumping. Then he turns around and heads back down and off into the dark early morning haze.

I have pondered it for some months now. All of a sudden I figure what to many would be obvious.

It’s a paperman!

Sceams up, delivers, screams back down and off to another house.

So today at 4am I am standing out on my grass like king poo…waiting for his return journey.

Front spot lights are on my house, I am out there in my boxer shorts, hands on hips, eyes glowing red, small demon like horns growing from my cranium, fist clenched into tight white clumps…waiting waiting (not sure exactly what for)

The headlights appear, the engine revs loud, the foot goes to the floor and he heads toward me.

I stand, planted to my lawn glaring at him/her.

Closer, closer, waiting for the sound of the engine to halter, just a bit, and indication of recognition, curiosity, anything…

“This is my castle – thou shall not awake the King” I scream at the top of my voice into the early morning air.
(in my head)

closer, closer

ZOOOm ZOOOM – Gone, not a thing. In fact…

I did not even see a driver behind the wheel – True!

Well maybe I blinked, in fact it was dark…

I did watch Stephen King’s movie “Christine”, was that the one about the possessed car?

But I got up at 6am and walked straight up to the news agent near my house looking for “The Car”. No car there.

I will find it, oh yes…I will…

The other thought I have (and this is linked with the strategy I used with my old lady next door, about tuning in to her same radio station) is to order a newspaper to be delivered at my door, surely he would have to slow down to throw it at my house?

Better than letting his tires down or throwing those stinger things on the road like someone said on this blog once!

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5 thoughts on “A Morning Monster?

  1. borrow some witches hats from the nearest road works and set them up so he has to slow down to get around them. Then, when he is slowing down, turn the hose on him. If he is a paper man his window should be down…..

    or you could just egg his car as he goes past, that always works, and theres less work involved. Though more groceries than plan A…

  2. You come here and say that…oh sorry, don’t know what came over me!
    Maybe there could be a place for you to swag on my front lawn one night and catch him Gaz?

  3. Hey Scott
    I have been reading your blog for some months now and absolutely love it. Your brain and heart spews are great! I been wanting to tell you for ages that, this story in particular (there are many others) made me laugh out soooo loud…. I felt like I was standing in front of you as you told your story and it brought back heaps of good memories of how animated you are when you share a story….. heck you are animated just doing life, its fantastic. Just thought I’d let you know.
    Catch up again soon ….in about a year…..
    Deb J

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